It has been a month since she died. I never thought it was possible to miss someone this much, until now. I was sitting in her office, secluded from the bustle of the office, alone, and yet still surrounded by her somehow, her belonging keeping her legacy alive. A framed picture of her and her boyfriend James sat in the middle of the desk, and a bunch on withering flowers, uncared for since she left us, sat by the door.
A footstep in the hallway alerted me to someone coming to interrupt my silent mourning. It was our friend Duncan.
“Greg? I… I found this in Anna’s office… It’s for you…” Duncan whispered, another tear slipping silently down his cheek.
He handed me a small, cream coloured envelope, simply addressed to “Greg” in her fancy handwriting. He must have found it in her locker, which he was in charge of clearing out – I was given her office. Ever since Anna’s tragic death, the office hadn’t been the same. Everybody’s spirits had been dampened; nobody seemed to smile anymore. They had lost more than just a boss – they had also lost their mentor and mother figure.
“Thank you, Duncan,” I said, faking a smile. Duncan and I have been suffering the loss the most, being her closest friends. There were so many things that I never had a chance to say to her. Almost as soon as I was left alone again, I tore the letter open. I was shocked to discover what Anna really had to say…
There’s so much to tell you, but I guess I’ll start with why I need to write this. I know I haven;t dropped any hints or anything, but… I’m leaving. The board are constantly on my back about everything, James is becoming a crazy jealous, constantly asking questions about you and, pressure’s piling up too high. It’s too much to cope with. I’ve thought about this for a long time now. I can’t stay in New York any more in the same job. People will lose their respect for me, if they had any in the first place. I feel like I’ve gotten all out of this job that I possibly can.
So I’m leaving for a while. I don’t know if and when I’ll be back. I’m going to stay with my parents for a while. You never know, I could come home in a couple of months. But just in case I don’t, there are some things that I need to tell you whilst I had a chance…
I just sat there, my eyes wide with surprise. She was going to leave, she was going to give up – and it was partly my fault.
Thanks for everything. I don’t know if I could have survived this past year without you. I know it’s the sort of thing I should be saying to James, not you, but… I’m not. You mean so much to me. You don’t understand how happy I am every time you walk through my office door. It’s the best feeling in the world.
I had to smile at this comment. I wished I’d gone to bother her more often. She was worth it, and I started to ask myself why I didn’t find an excuse to see her every day.
I think I’ve worked out why it is that your opinion means so much more to me than anyone else’s. But it’s too difficult to explain in a letter. I suppose – I hope, one day, I’ll get the chance to tell the truth. How I really feel… However, if I never see you again, I guess it’s better if I tell you now…
I could have sworn I hadn’t breathed since I opened the letter. My breath just stuck in my throat – she couldn’t possible feel the same as I had, since the day I met her – the feelings I had tried to cover for almost ten years.
You see, the thing is… I think there’s something there… We’re more than just colleagues or friends. That’s what makes it so hard. I had… still have so much to say to you, but I have to go. James is right – you mean too much to me and I need to go and re-evaluate my life.
Anyway, I’m sure I’m confusing you now. I’d better get going, after all, I don’t want to miss my train, do I? I guess this is goodbye – and I hope I manage to work up the courage to actually deliver this letter…
There’s just one more thing I need to say now.
I love you. Always have, always will.
She loved me. She’d finally admitted it. But it was too late now. She’d been hit by a drunk driver on the way to the train station. She’d been pronounced dead on the scene, and there was no possibility of her coming back. I stood up and slowly glanced out of the window up at the sky, the clouds blurring with unshed tears, and I muttered the words that I’d wished to for so long.
“I love you, too…”
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