Here at Habbox we’re generally an older bunch, and as such plenty of us are at the sort of age where we’ve either moved out of home or are about to – whether it’s for uni or just a bit of independence. One major skill you’re going to need is knowing how to not poison yourself by being terrible at washing up, so READ MORE to learn from the master (that’s me btw).

If you’re lucky, you’ll end up living with someone like me who actually knows what they’re doing and cares about things being clean and presentable. If you’re REALLY lucky you’ll have a decent dishwasher and won’t require this article at all. However, chances are you will be stuck with someone like my friends who think that “wet” and “clean” are the same thing. First thing to learn: that is not true and it’s amazing that these people are not dead yet.

[The Pre-wash]

Don’t just chuck everything into a sink of hot water and expect it to end well. It will not.

Before you start – eeeeeeven before you start running the hot water – get rid of any delicious little “extras” that are still hanging around.
Couple of peas and a burnt chip left on the plate? Into the bin. Half a bowl of soup uneaten? Pour it away. Mug of hot chocolate from 3 weeks ago grown a layer of mould that’s somehow both creamy and furry? Sort your life out you absolute disgrace, and scrape that nonsense out while you hang your head in shame.

Bottom line is there’s no point whatsoever filling up a load of hot bubbles just to instantly dump a load of yesterday’s chilli into it, so save yourself from having to redo the water six times per wash by having a little rinse before you start. THEN get the hot stuff going with a good squidge of whatever your favourite scent of washing up liquid happens to be.

[Order, ORDER!]

Once you’ve got yourself ready to go, it’s on with the gloves and into the water… but try to be a bit smart about what goes in first. Even with the rinsing and scraping from the last point, some things are going to be messier than others. Typically (but not always) glassware tends to be the easiest to clean because unless you’ve been playing weird games with it you’ll probably have just had liquids in them, so that’s usually a good start. Go from what’s already cleanest to whatever’s full of grease – that way you’re getting the absolute least amount of contamination, and again won’t have to waste your time and water.

Cutlery and mugs generally follow, and then onto the plates and bowls; the part that certain people in my house seem to find difficult for some reason. My only thought is that they must just do the rinsing part and leave it at that, because realistically washing up is not difficult and this article shouldn’t be necessary. Get it into the water, get your sponge/scourer, and go at it. The point you stop cleaning is not “after 3 seconds” or “when the whole thing is wet”, but WHEN THERE IS NO FOOD LEFT ON IT.

If you’re putting things up to dry and there’s still food on them, you have not washed them. You might as well be eating off the rim of the toilet like the animal that you are. The way to know when you’ve reached this point? Just bloody look at it.
Some things like dried-on oats or melted cheese might be a bit more effort to clean off, but if you’re so blind that you can’t see the food on the object then get yourself down to Specsavers and then go back to step 1. Good lord.

Stuff like the grill (yes, it will eventually have to be done I’m afraid) and saucepans with burnt-on sauces should usually be left last. They are often an absolute ARSE to clean, but put a bit of muscle into it and keep checking that you’ve actually got everything and you’ll be able to take pride in your glistening cookware!

[#TomsTopTips]

That’s pretty much it to be honest. It’s not a difficult task, but one that really ought to be done right. There are a few extra thoughts that might be useful though, so here goes:

• Take your time. When I did the washing up just before writing this, it took precisely 35 minutes and 47 seconds. I know this for a fact because it’s the amount of time between the end of Love Story and the start of Change on Taylor Swift’s Fearless album. I left when Hey Stephen came on and got back into the room for the final bar of The Best Day. It’s not at all important for you to know that, but this is my article and I will write whatever I please.
• Rinse stuff out when you’re done with it. When you go up to the sink to dump something for washing up later, just give it a few seconds under the tap to loosen up whatever’s in there and make it easier for you when you do the proper wash. You can cut out almost the entirety of the pre-wash if you’re doing this with everything!
• Get a Dishmatic brush. I’m not even being paid for this so you’re welcome whoever owns that company, but yeah they are brilliant for doing pots and pans, and they’re what like £1.50 at basically every supermarket so an absolute steal.
• Check and recheck what you’re doing. It’s very easy to miss something that’s stuck on (especially with certain cereals which are a nightmare) so don’t just assume that something’s going to be squeaky clean just because you’ve given it a bit of special attention under the water.
• If you’ve actually read everything up to here: get help. This is not an interesting article and I literally wrote it to vent my frustration at how terrible my housemates are at cleaning.

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