Forget about Mystic Meg, I’m the new seer on the block! I have looked into my crystal ball and have seen the future. What’s coming up in 2011? Which Habbox management is going to become a daddy? Which celebrities are going to have a bad year? You can find all this out and more by clicking read more!

I see…. I see….. a man… a very tall, dark… and ugly man. It’s Alex3213! Why is Alex3213 in my crystal ball? I can see a rattle, a dummy, a baby’s bib. That must mean only one thing: Alex3213 is going to become the second pregnant man! Congratulations! Judging by the blue colour of the baby’s bib, it is clear to me that this baby is going to be a boy and you will call him Jesus  Michael. What a great name! But wait, who’s the mother? I see… I see…. lots of chairs… hmm what could this mean? My inner eye will not tell me! Okay okay, my Yellow Pages has told me this means his girlfriend, Charis. Aww bless!

I see…. I see….. a forum. Hmm this is interesting. It’s got lots of competitions where you can win great prizes! I see… I see…. a lottery ticket. Wow, I see YOU winning 500c this year and all you have to do is buy a lottery ticket! Hooray, it’s nice to bring some good news to 2011 especially after I saw you trapped in a coma for 6 months last year. I hope you wake up soon and read this.

I see…. I see… a dancefloor. Oh dear, Sharon Osborne is going to hurt her leg on Strictly Come Dancing 2011. Not to worry though Sharon, everyone will be too busy watching your old show X Factor to even care. Wait, no! I see X Factor… in America! So everyone will be watching you and will be laughing. Hopefully you will read this and decide to wait til next year!

I see…. I see…. a wedding cake. Who is this for? It’s Katie Price having another wedding! Not with Alex Reid this time. No, she is now fed up with men after her “heartbreaking divorce” from Alex but instead of releasing a new single, she’s decided to get married to her maid this time. Her maid is called Clavarina and she needs a visa so she accepted. Unfortunately, The Sun newspaper will read this article and post a damning expose on Katie’s new wife and how this is the fault of the EU and the past Labour government. On the plus side, I’ll get a new job at that newspaper, giving the horoscopes as Mystic Meg is replaced by a younger model.

I see… I see…. a pond. No wait, it’s a flood. I fear big floods for Australia this year and wish them good luck in their speedy recovery. After they LOST BIG TIME IN THE ASHES, this is another blow to Australia. By August, the water will have decreased to a small level but the harsh winter of Australia will turn it into ice so I recommend buying ice skates if you haven’t got any already! This will unfortunately result in the temporary closure of ice rinks across Queensland but they will reopen once more, minus the hire-ice-skates section, when the ice melts. 

I see… I see… oil. Another great oil spill in America and this time all the blame will solely be on the… Americans. Yes, they can’t escape that it’s actually their fault. This will result in the Wall Street crash of 2011 as confidence in America dips to the lowest in centuries. This will result in a recession for all the other countries around the world. The Daily Mirror in the UK says this is the fault of the Coalition government.

I see… I see… a forum where you can win great prizes. Oh wait I’ve already had this vision so that must mean my Inner Eye needs rest. I hope you have a very good year but I’m afraid I forgot to mention that after you win the lottery, you’re struck by malaria and your cousin steals all your money. Happy 2011!